A letter to the you-s in my life. I still remember you. Part 1.

To all the people who have been in my life, at some point or another,
this is to you,

 I remember you.


Remember how you used to come to me during our lunch breaks and make sure I ate all my chapattis, with the sabzis and the tiffin box that mummy packed for us that equaled an entire 6 course buffet. I mean really how much would a seven year old need to eat? I remember how all of us would try and be like one another, not knowing then, that we'd grow up just to be the opposite, to try and be unique and not like that boy who had amazing cursive handwriting. I mean how can he have such amazing handwriting in the forth grade?
I remember you. How we used to sit with our napkins pinned to our uniform and our hair braided with so much coconut oil in it, like an everyday advertisement for parachute. I remember how you, you and you too would sit with me on the stairs and try and figure out whether to play hopscotch or ABCD. I still remember you, you and you.

I remember you.
I remember how you would call me as soon as we got home from school, just to discuss that cute guy we both had a crush on. I remember you. and ofcourse, you cute guy. How could i forget you. Remember how you and the other you ate chalk once? I wouldn't ever do that. But I remember you.
Remember how I did your projects for you and how we were close as best friends could be? Remember how you were too busy hitting on girls and I'd always have your back. I remember you.

I remember you. We sat and filled one anothers slam books. How important was it then to get your crush to write in your slam book. It was like trying to climb the steepest mountain, only tougher. Seriously have you tried going up to the guy you secretly like and giving him your slam book. And when he fills it up and returns it, you hold that slam book like its a piece of his heart. I remember you.

I remember you. You used to write small 'i love you' chits and put it in my pencil box. I was mad scared of you back then. But I remember you.

I remember you. I thought you were mad cute. You left school and transferred to another one but I still remember you.

You were with me during high school. Bus buddies we all were. I remember the cookie-box-yelling-at-small-annoying-kid. haha I remember you. The long rides to and from school would have been horrible without you, you, you, you and you guys.We all aren't in touch, but together we were fun in the bus. I remember you.

Remember how we would talk for hours on the phone? I remember you. We would talk every night, even if it was a silent conversation. But we would always be there for one another. You'd come to me with your girl problems and I'd hook you up with who you like. I remember you.


Remember how every summer we'd have crazy parties and you guys would always be there, making it just perfect. Remember how we would be 20 crazy kids and how having a good time would always happen no matter when or where we were. I remember you. you. you.

Remember how you and I would dance. like a stage on fire. and with such with perfect sync. I remember you. Remember how all us girls would go mad and dance on sofas and bar tables. how living came so easily to us all back then. I remember you too.

Remember how we came from different schools and landed at the same place for college. I remember you,you,you,you and you. The first time we all met to the inside jokes that just brought us closer. Our hostel sleepovers to our goa trip. I remember you. Remember how we grew up together with all sorts of situations coming our way. How it was us against the world. Always, and yet is. I remember you all. I'll always remember you, you, you, you and you.

Remember how you taught me to see the world differently. How you showed me how beautiful it is to let go. how to love. I remember you.

Remember how I always called you when work got too tough. When it was raining. When you'd just get me without me having to explain a word. I remember you.

Remember all the good times we had. All of the different 'you-s' and me. I remember you. I remember how special you all were, no matter how small our journey together. I look back with the best memories a person could ask for. And an abundance of you-s. I love you guys. We maybe in different places in the world, and in our lifes, but this post is just to remind you that there is still someone out there, from years before who remembers you, you, you and also you.

To all the people I've mentioned in the post and others too who have been a part of my life. I still remember all you guys.
Ill always remember you.

Love

A girls take on Californication - the two heart melting moments -

Californication.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBjc8p1XVBc

I love the show and the essence of it that you come to relate to, beneath all the pretense of noise.
The thing about californication is the undertone of pure love, that shines through all the mess. It shows life like it is, in all its subtlety. It isn't just about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Its more. Its about the honesty of showing the good with the ugly. Not just the rosy picture that we usually are fed with. Its not what people would call a perfect relationship between two passionately in love people and between a father and a daughter, but who has a perfect relationship anyway. Its a myth. A perfect relationship. We are taught to love, but to make it perfect means killing the essence of letting the other person be who they are and not accepting you for yourself. 
I love the relationship Hank shares with Karen. Its unconditional. Its about nothing but their feelings for one another, no matter what life brings. Its about learning to love one another in more ways than one, never to give up. Never to push. Never to impose. 

The two most amazing moments of the show are : the letter Hank Moody writes for Becca and the other one he writes for Karen. Both letters put words into its simplest form with such raw emotion, it takes my heart away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opuCIZ7iLG0&feature=related

Hank Moody to Becca :

To my dear beautiful daughter, 

I’m writing you a letter. That’s right a good old fashioned letter. It’s a lost art, really? Like handjobs. Shit.


I have a confession to make, I didn’t like you very much at first. You were just this annoying little blob. You smelled nice, most of the time, but you didn’t seem to have very interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world. Funny how some things never change. So I cruised along doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don’t remember the exact moment that everything changed. I just know that it did.

One minute I was impenetrable. Nothing could touch me. The next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense painful experience of my life. In fact it’s been almost too much to vow. As your father, I made a silent vote to protect you from the world. Never realizing that I was the one who end up hurting you the most.

When I flash forward my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride, how could you? Your father is a child in a man’s body, he cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Novel in thought, Weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It’s getting dark, too dark to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwHjzkc9w_Q

Hank Moody to Karen :

Dear Karen,

If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t one the make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there is this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She is completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance acquired. She is you Karen, that’s the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me! 

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

Do-overs?

 IF LIFE GAVE ME A DO-OVER?

Have you ever wondered what if life gave you a chance to revisit your past and change the way things played out. Would you change how things were or would you just cliche it and tell me your happy with your life and would not change a thing.

Im still see-sawing between whether I would change anything or cliche it. What would be the things I'd change if I went back to the me, that made me, me?

I would pay attention to the tiny details around me and the people that mattered to me. I wouldn't let go that easily. I have. Of a lot of people who mattered to me. 

I would listen to my instincts more often. Six years back I had instincts that I doubted, I thought I was just imagining things the way I wanted it to play out. When in reality it was a perfect picture that everyone seemed to see but me, until now, six years too late. Always listen to your instincts! They know exactly what you want. Always.

I would love to stay as young and carefree i was in the first year of my college. Don't be afraid to live  just for yourself. You owe that much to you.

I would make even more mistakes than what I have! MAKE MISTAKE AND CELEBRATE THEM. It means your living and not just moulding into the crowd. If I could, I would go back and be young, innocent, and be stupid with my friends, not affected by the complexities of the world.

ENJOY THE DRAMA :

I wouldn't reduce all the drama though. It made me feel alive! It made me feel. whether happy,sad, excited, jealous, hurtful, so-happyhigh-i-couldnt-remember-a-thing, or any other emotion! It dint matter.

All I know is I felt something, and that makes me happy now. Never be too comfortable with your life, such that you feel nothing. It kills to feel nothing. trust me.

I would tell people how much I loved them and would not let my insecurity get in the way. Its difficult you know practising things like

" live today like its your last day" because if I do that, and start sending people messages of the lovey-dovey sorts, they'd think I am cukoo. But nonetheless I wish I was more impulsive in expressing how I felt with different people I missed out on.

BE STUPID! 

Do crazy things that seem random and get you awkward stares from older people. Your doing a good job if older people are looking at you awkwardly!! who cares ! you have the rest of your life to be grown up. So be stupid!

LOVE. That does not mean go sticking your tongue down every next persons throat. Im not advertising that here, and neither am i telling you to love like the movies around garden and trees. Find out what love means for you and keep at it!

When it comes down to love, Its always worth it. Whatever form. Whatever way you express it. No ones in a position to judge.

I wish I'd let the smaller things matter more to me, than letting the noise that surrounded it matter more. The noise never matters. Moments do. Small little gestures are things I remember now. I wish I'd have a cupboard full of those small things now, that make life a lot more happier and memories a lot more sweeter.

FORGIVE. I wish i had forgiven people easily. Its the worst to hold onto something against a person forever. I wish I had learned that forgiving made you and the other person happier. I have wasted a lot of my life, holding grudges against people. I should have forgiven them, because I look back, and I wasnt perfect either. No one is. To you guys out there, Just forgive. U'll grow up and years later you'd miss your friend, your partner,your family and not forgiving them would be the worst thing that would sadden you. 

No one knows how to live life. I guess we are all just winging it as we go along. 

I believe that Do-overs do come along, and thats when you trust your instinct and change decisions you made in the past. There is always hope for a little more love and a lot more mistakes :)