Before emerging from chalkboard-black-tunnels.

When I look back I feel a magnitude of fondness. For all the people who have got onto this box-like train of mine, at different stops, at different signals, and have made me emerge resplendently magnificent, through even chalkboard-black-tunnels. I miss those who got down at different stations, for reasons unknown, who packed their bags and waved goodbye, with a doleful look in their eyes. In all these years, I've been taught to look at things from other's perspectives, and even though I thought myself as a nonjudgemental being, I learned that when it came to situations new to me, I din't do anything but judge. When faced with these new situations myself, did I learn that I reacted not differently than those who I had misjudged. I have warmth for all the people who stayed in that compartment and never got down no matter what station came by. I have warmth for those who got down at a station, to empty their minds, only to get back on at the next station and fill those empty compartments with joy and happiness again.


Before emerging from the chalkboard-black-tunnels, I unwrapped beautifully packaged relations, to discover that I can love more people than one. And that every relation need not be agreed upon, as a socially acceptable one. And that, that is okay. I have felt tremendous love and affection for the tiny beings, who well are quite larger in size than me in reality, who have walked into my life, and breathed fresh air and perspective.


In retrospect, I would never take back any decision I have taken. I would always love people in my life in a gooey-mushy-hot-chocolate-fudge-way. I would always cherish every person who has boarded this train and made it fly with such exuberance that it never stopped, and would swish through that chalkboard-black-tunnel with ease and lightheartedness, looking back at a journey well lived, and another to yet begin.




I love you'll in a gooey-mushy-hot-chocolate-fudge-way. Yes you :)

Happiness. Its simple really. This is my happiness. :)

Have you ever had a feeling so intense, feeling-good-goosebumps type, that even though its just in your mind, it feels real?


Who said that you can't literally feel whats going on in your mind?
I can. I have.
Everytime I go onto pinterest(my latest obsession) I feel a sense of happiness.


A sense of longing to someplace, a sense of spreading my wings and flying away into one of the oh-so-serene images and starting my life there.
Of setting up a house, and doing it up with white walls,
Of wooden floors,
Of not just a handful but a heart-full of cushions and pillows of all sizes, small and big, yellow and pink, of earthy tones to blue blues.
Of small little antique kettles gurgling with water,

Of me in my specs and hair all tasseled down upon my shoulders,
Floating around with a mug of coffee,
Of staring out into the vast emptiness that
envelopes me in a sense of wanting to be part of the birds and bees,

Of all the oceans and seas, splashing against the shores and reminding us that they are alive and living life with such joy that its breathtakingly inspirational.


This feeling fills up my heart with such warmth,
that i get all gummy-bear-soft inside,
And all i want to do is breathe this feeling into someone else,
So that we could blanket our minds in perfect symphony and know that neither of us is on our own. We have each other.


I've felt happiness. People go around looking for it. Im lucky, i feel it every time i plug in my earphones with 'your hand in mine-explosions in the sky', and pinterest the things i love.
I feel elated and feather light.
I think that is what you call happiness.
:)

My wish list !

I don't know where I am headed. All I do know is life after college is about choices, and given the chance of doing so, this is what I wish for :

A beautiful old house : I wish for a million trees surrounding this tiny stoned cottage that has a cobbled pathway. A place where I am at peace with me. I wish for a house filled with things I have collected over the years, memories in boxes strewn around, pictures of years framed up, white walls, with colored corners, where I can sit by my window sill and read, cuddled up in blankets and a million little pillows, and big pillows, and bigger ones. Coffee to keep me warm on cold winter nights and rainy afternoons.

Lots of books and wine : I wish for the time and passion to read a million books, from all over the world. About paris, about cheese and about the road taken by others. I wish for wine to go with it. Because doesn't a picture of books and wine please your mind? It does to mine. oh and that rhymed :)

Friends : I want all my existing friends with me for years to come. I want to have company always. I want people around me who would come with me for random trips to backpack around the world. I want people over, laughing and sitting around playing board games with me and getting high on spirits and good food. I want yesha,kanu,nitika and barsha, my life lines, to be there for years to come. And i want them to visit me and bring back fond memories of old confessions.


A passion : I want a passion that brings me money. I don't want a job. I want to be somewhere in the background of life, pushing people to do good, to design, to celebrate art and music. I want people to realize the beauty of how music, art and design bring such joy in the world. That money isn't everything, and life isn't supposed to be such a mundane journey.

Family : I want family around me, so that I can take my baby brother to places he hasn't seen. I can cover up his mistakes when he needs me. I want to be there for my parents and my oh so awesome-crazy-maybe even a bit retarded extended family :) actually strike that, they are completely retarded and i love them for exactly that reason.

Be loved by someone adorable : I want that guy who isn't my knight in shinning armor, more like artist-in-a-vinatge car with an air of passion around him. I want someone who has the same zest for life, and who pushes me to follow my heart without being afraid. Oh and cooks amazingly. Just had to add that, since it's my wish list anyway, no harm reaching for the shooting stars.

Travel the world : every bit of it. I wish to keep traveling with people who teach me how to live life, in many a different way. Who accompany me on my journeys of adventure, fun and stupidity!

To make a difference : thats the most important thing. And i've saved it for the last. I wish for a group of people who share my passion for making a difference in people's lives through music and art. Who aren't worried about the tomorrow and just want to make a happy today.








There you go, I have put it out there to materialize and the day any one of them does, ill keep you posted. Don't worry it won't be long for the wish list to magically transform itself into a beautiful dreamy reality.

WHAT IF :


What if :

I think I am 21. Which well I actually am. But what if my parents have been lying to me about my birth date? What if I find out I am 30, and have been living life like a 21 year old.
What would I do? Would I continue living like I am 21? Or would the fact that I am higher on the numerical scale on paper change how I behave and live? Would my body behave differently knowing that I am actually older?

What if :

A guest comes to my house for a dinner party, locks himself in the spare guest room, and never comes out. What would I do? What would you do, if breaking down the door never was an option ? Would you forget that room ever could open? Would you pretend like no one was in there? Would you choose to wake up everyday to reason with a person to come out ? Or would you accept it, and keep giving him food through the gap at the bottom of the door?

What if :

we could all read each others life. Through their eyes. Since they any way say, that eyes are the windows to a persons soul. Would you be happy knowing everything about so many people? Would we be more comfortable in knowing that the other person is going through the same thing? Then no one would really have secrets, gossip would be a thing of the past, and introverts wouldn't exist. Would it make you take wiser decisions then? Since everyone would be able to read your story.

What if :

newspapers could only carry happy news? No articles about conflict, abuse or war? Would the world be a happier place since all every person would read every morning are positive things? Would there be no conflict in the world? Or would we actually just pretend that there is nothing bad happening around? Or would the pretending actually eventually become reality?

What if :

the idea was 'make as many mistakes as possible' ? Since we are alive to learn and grow everyday. No harm in making mistakes now and then. Would you be willing to make a mistake then, knowingly, if it was okay?

What if :

The world was run by love not money? Would you still work the job you are working, just because you love it? Would working not interest you then? Or would you switch to a job that makes you happier since you anyway do not have to earn?

What if :

My posts could have their own background music? Only then, and then only, would you be able to feel what I felt when I wrote this post.

# mind it ! :p

If you know me, just about even a little bit, you'd know that I think wayyyyy too much, and cause myself grey hair and wrinkles.

My mind tends to have a mind of its own. 

I mean I may see a straight line, but I will sit wondering :

what if that straight line had an accident and became a curved line instead, 

what if the straight line breaks in two and then is not happy with the length it is.

what if the two pieces aren't the same length then would one be jealous of the other? or would the smaller piece feel bad and go into depression? 

would the straight line manage to find another perfectly straight line or would all other straight lines be just a little bit curved for him?

So you see how my mind tends to take on a tangent of its own. Its like it does just how it pleases. I go 'so mind i have been thinking lets not sit around all day and do nothing' and my mind responds something to this effect " sonali, bro have you thought about how short you are? ever? i mean like have you seen how that girl was so tall and thin! oh-my-god".

how my mind can be so dramatic sometimes :/

And then people blame me for over thinking. Its all this mind's fault really, if you look at it from my point of view. This, this particular angle that i look at it from, you'll see then how I get cornered into thinking such thought.

You now get it don't you? Its like my mind just defy's anything i say :/ its one unruly thing who should be spanked and asked to go sit in a corner till he can actually process what i am trying to tell him.

As Mark Twain said: “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

# This is so my life story.

How embarrassing I can be !! :D

 #1) hahahahaha

#2) i sit for hours and edit my profile pictures. :/ just when i thought oh wow i create such awesome prints using photoshop maybe just maybe ill be able to earn a living. But alas, i just sit and use it to edit my own pictures.
You do it too, i know. so don't look at me like that :p

#3) I have become this stupid person where all i do is assume that every possible illness in the book is happening to me :/ i read about an illness and magically i have all its symptoms! its freaky!

#4) I tried learning french online. I actually used to sit and practice speaking it out loud to my computer screen. with words like bonjour and au revoir which i pronounce like ov uvar! hahaha but it sounds cute nonetheless.
try saying it that way. It sounds like some telugu tamil word, the way i pronounce it, the french will faint!

#5) I watch a million food channels, from Come dine with me to masterchef australia! That does not make me learn how to cook, however much my family would like me to, It just makes me hungrier seeing all the yummy foood!

#6) In my head, I think i'm damn fly yo, risky-skinny-dipping-cool types. But i think in reality i'm just old, and lazy and lazy. Okay maybe not old, just lazy.Lazy.LAZY!

#7) I go to my fridge oh-so-many-times in the day and i come bak with nothing.Absolutely nothing. My maids think i am retarded, all i do when i have a holiday is go to the kitchen, open the door to the fridge, have a look inside, shut it, and get back to my room. Its like i assume, the more number of times i look into my fridge, the probability of a large chocolate rum cake appearing there is stronger. :/

#8) I take my cell phone to the loo with me. :/

#9) I phase out when people are talking to me. Its very embarrassing when that happens. I do not do it intentionally, it just happens. So guys out there, if ever you are confessing your love for me, to me, just make sure i am listening to it all ! I tend to faze out and get self absorbed.

#10) I have used spell check for so many spellings in this post. I should just bury my head in sand :/

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In change lies everything..

Change.

I have been sitting on my bed for the past half hour, writing sentences and erasing all of them, washing them off and creating a blank space to pen down my thoughts on.

I have been trying to write about Change. And funny enough, this half hour, even though I have sat in exactly the same position, a number of things have changed around me.

The music tracks keep changing, they don't stop and wait for me to gather my thoughts, the sounds from my house keep getting quieter, the lights outside my window one by one say goodnight.

I wish someone would have told me, the more you fight change, the more it will get to you. Well, not like Change has a personal interest in your life. But thats just how life works. Its this law of the universe, that things have to change, relations will change, there is absolutely no point crying over someone who is not the same anymore, and how someone does not let you borrow their stationery anymore.

The first ever letter I wrote to my baby brother, was about change and how if relations change it isn't anyones fault. Its all a part of growing up. This is a small part of what I had written to him and I am going to share the same with you guys :

"It is in all of us

to defy expectations

to go into the world and be brave

and to want, to need, to hunger for

adventure.

to embrace change and chance and risk 

so that we may breathe

and know what it is to be 

free."-anonymous

Things will be tough, more than u thought it would be,

But the key to it is, accept change :)

Accept change.

Accept change.

Im repeating it, because the biggest difficulty any individual in life faces, is to accept that things change.

People change, relationships change, and just like the weather you and i change too.

And thats the beauty of life, that everything and nothing is the same."

Things that Change has taught me :

# Don't be so stern in life. give Life a chance and cut it some slack at times.It isn't always going to change to please you. 

# You will grow. Change. You will get older and maybe fatter. But relax a bit! You will change again, probably become thinner and more fabulous.

# Have patience. If things have changed for the worse right now, wait. Stand in the sidelines, because it will change back to sunshine again.

# Don't wait to lick the ice-cream, it will change into liquid form! just eat it as soon as you get your hands on it

# Cherish the people you have right now. However far away they may be from you, cherish them.

Life goes on, it changes, evolves,

and just like the weather you and i change too. :)

                                                                 Source : everythingsright.com

I dont think this is my best post, but I have written this because We more often than not, forget this simple feeling of change, and get caught up in situations, where if told "relax, you will get over it, times will change" brings a smile on people's faces, and a hope that usually sits shut until woken.

If you have any stories, that changed you, feel free to comment and share :)