What makes me feel.

Tyle Knott.
He makes words come alive, and evoke such strong emotions in me.
I love him, for making me feel.

This is how he sees himself :

Namasté. 

I'm Tyler Knott Gregson.

I am a photographer. 
Poet.
Artist.
Exploitable Genius. 
Word Alchemist. 
Thought Translator.
Boy With Faraway Eyes.
Buddhist.




Some of his thoughts that I LOVE :

Of Dreamers and Realists

“

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world.

You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true.

You see the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun.

And the realists… well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

”
                                                                                                                   - Modern Family

I am a dreamer.
I dream of the world being one happy place.
I wish the newspapers that the world reads every morning carried news of joy instead of misery, of love instead of hatred, of birds and bees, and happy things.
I wish work was done, not for money, for the love of it instead.
I wish we lived in a world where everyone were equal.
I wish mans' worst enemy wasn't man himself.
I wish people weren't after money. I wish people weren't after power. 
On second thought I wish people had no idea what power meant. They'd be happier then. More free.
I wish people just wanted to live the one life they got, with the people they love, with the idea of just being in the present and enjoying time spent with other fellow human beings.
I wish life was one big party.


I dream of fireflies, of a life where I'm surrounded by mountains, and in no hurry to get in touch with the world outside. 

I feel everyones always running. Running to meet appointments, running to be somewhere important. To meet people, to keep moving. People seem to need to be in constant movement. I do too. What happens when we just stop, and be in that moment, in all of our existence, oblivious to the flow of bodies around us?
I dream of a day, when I live just to be. Where i have no where I have to be, I am where I want to be. 

I dream of a time, when people believe in magic. Where people believe in the impossible. Where there isn't space for doubt, for insecurity, for jealousy.

I dream of a day, we all go back to being naive, to believing everything we imagine. Wouldn't it be wonderful to believe that you can fly and not doubt it for even a second. 

I am a dreamer.
I believe there will be a time, when things will turn around. 
They will, I'm sure of it. Without a single flicker of doubt. :)

Until then I'm going to continue dreaming.

A letter to the you-s in my life. I still remember you. Part 1.

To all the people who have been in my life, at some point or another,
this is to you,

 I remember you.


Remember how you used to come to me during our lunch breaks and make sure I ate all my chapattis, with the sabzis and the tiffin box that mummy packed for us that equaled an entire 6 course buffet. I mean really how much would a seven year old need to eat? I remember how all of us would try and be like one another, not knowing then, that we'd grow up just to be the opposite, to try and be unique and not like that boy who had amazing cursive handwriting. I mean how can he have such amazing handwriting in the forth grade?
I remember you. How we used to sit with our napkins pinned to our uniform and our hair braided with so much coconut oil in it, like an everyday advertisement for parachute. I remember how you, you and you too would sit with me on the stairs and try and figure out whether to play hopscotch or ABCD. I still remember you, you and you.

I remember you.
I remember how you would call me as soon as we got home from school, just to discuss that cute guy we both had a crush on. I remember you. and ofcourse, you cute guy. How could i forget you. Remember how you and the other you ate chalk once? I wouldn't ever do that. But I remember you.
Remember how I did your projects for you and how we were close as best friends could be? Remember how you were too busy hitting on girls and I'd always have your back. I remember you.

I remember you. We sat and filled one anothers slam books. How important was it then to get your crush to write in your slam book. It was like trying to climb the steepest mountain, only tougher. Seriously have you tried going up to the guy you secretly like and giving him your slam book. And when he fills it up and returns it, you hold that slam book like its a piece of his heart. I remember you.

I remember you. You used to write small 'i love you' chits and put it in my pencil box. I was mad scared of you back then. But I remember you.

I remember you. I thought you were mad cute. You left school and transferred to another one but I still remember you.

You were with me during high school. Bus buddies we all were. I remember the cookie-box-yelling-at-small-annoying-kid. haha I remember you. The long rides to and from school would have been horrible without you, you, you, you and you guys.We all aren't in touch, but together we were fun in the bus. I remember you.

Remember how we would talk for hours on the phone? I remember you. We would talk every night, even if it was a silent conversation. But we would always be there for one another. You'd come to me with your girl problems and I'd hook you up with who you like. I remember you.


Remember how every summer we'd have crazy parties and you guys would always be there, making it just perfect. Remember how we would be 20 crazy kids and how having a good time would always happen no matter when or where we were. I remember you. you. you.

Remember how you and I would dance. like a stage on fire. and with such with perfect sync. I remember you. Remember how all us girls would go mad and dance on sofas and bar tables. how living came so easily to us all back then. I remember you too.

Remember how we came from different schools and landed at the same place for college. I remember you,you,you,you and you. The first time we all met to the inside jokes that just brought us closer. Our hostel sleepovers to our goa trip. I remember you. Remember how we grew up together with all sorts of situations coming our way. How it was us against the world. Always, and yet is. I remember you all. I'll always remember you, you, you, you and you.

Remember how you taught me to see the world differently. How you showed me how beautiful it is to let go. how to love. I remember you.

Remember how I always called you when work got too tough. When it was raining. When you'd just get me without me having to explain a word. I remember you.

Remember all the good times we had. All of the different 'you-s' and me. I remember you. I remember how special you all were, no matter how small our journey together. I look back with the best memories a person could ask for. And an abundance of you-s. I love you guys. We maybe in different places in the world, and in our lifes, but this post is just to remind you that there is still someone out there, from years before who remembers you, you, you and also you.

To all the people I've mentioned in the post and others too who have been a part of my life. I still remember all you guys.
Ill always remember you.

Love

A girls take on Californication - the two heart melting moments -

Californication.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBjc8p1XVBc

I love the show and the essence of it that you come to relate to, beneath all the pretense of noise.
The thing about californication is the undertone of pure love, that shines through all the mess. It shows life like it is, in all its subtlety. It isn't just about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Its more. Its about the honesty of showing the good with the ugly. Not just the rosy picture that we usually are fed with. Its not what people would call a perfect relationship between two passionately in love people and between a father and a daughter, but who has a perfect relationship anyway. Its a myth. A perfect relationship. We are taught to love, but to make it perfect means killing the essence of letting the other person be who they are and not accepting you for yourself. 
I love the relationship Hank shares with Karen. Its unconditional. Its about nothing but their feelings for one another, no matter what life brings. Its about learning to love one another in more ways than one, never to give up. Never to push. Never to impose. 

The two most amazing moments of the show are : the letter Hank Moody writes for Becca and the other one he writes for Karen. Both letters put words into its simplest form with such raw emotion, it takes my heart away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opuCIZ7iLG0&feature=related

Hank Moody to Becca :

To my dear beautiful daughter, 

I’m writing you a letter. That’s right a good old fashioned letter. It’s a lost art, really? Like handjobs. Shit.


I have a confession to make, I didn’t like you very much at first. You were just this annoying little blob. You smelled nice, most of the time, but you didn’t seem to have very interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world. Funny how some things never change. So I cruised along doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don’t remember the exact moment that everything changed. I just know that it did.

One minute I was impenetrable. Nothing could touch me. The next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense painful experience of my life. In fact it’s been almost too much to vow. As your father, I made a silent vote to protect you from the world. Never realizing that I was the one who end up hurting you the most.

When I flash forward my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride, how could you? Your father is a child in a man’s body, he cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Novel in thought, Weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It’s getting dark, too dark to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwHjzkc9w_Q

Hank Moody to Karen :

Dear Karen,

If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t one the make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there is this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She is completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance acquired. She is you Karen, that’s the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me! 

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

Do-overs?

 IF LIFE GAVE ME A DO-OVER?

Have you ever wondered what if life gave you a chance to revisit your past and change the way things played out. Would you change how things were or would you just cliche it and tell me your happy with your life and would not change a thing.

Im still see-sawing between whether I would change anything or cliche it. What would be the things I'd change if I went back to the me, that made me, me?

I would pay attention to the tiny details around me and the people that mattered to me. I wouldn't let go that easily. I have. Of a lot of people who mattered to me. 

I would listen to my instincts more often. Six years back I had instincts that I doubted, I thought I was just imagining things the way I wanted it to play out. When in reality it was a perfect picture that everyone seemed to see but me, until now, six years too late. Always listen to your instincts! They know exactly what you want. Always.

I would love to stay as young and carefree i was in the first year of my college. Don't be afraid to live  just for yourself. You owe that much to you.

I would make even more mistakes than what I have! MAKE MISTAKE AND CELEBRATE THEM. It means your living and not just moulding into the crowd. If I could, I would go back and be young, innocent, and be stupid with my friends, not affected by the complexities of the world.

ENJOY THE DRAMA :

I wouldn't reduce all the drama though. It made me feel alive! It made me feel. whether happy,sad, excited, jealous, hurtful, so-happyhigh-i-couldnt-remember-a-thing, or any other emotion! It dint matter.

All I know is I felt something, and that makes me happy now. Never be too comfortable with your life, such that you feel nothing. It kills to feel nothing. trust me.

I would tell people how much I loved them and would not let my insecurity get in the way. Its difficult you know practising things like

" live today like its your last day" because if I do that, and start sending people messages of the lovey-dovey sorts, they'd think I am cukoo. But nonetheless I wish I was more impulsive in expressing how I felt with different people I missed out on.

BE STUPID! 

Do crazy things that seem random and get you awkward stares from older people. Your doing a good job if older people are looking at you awkwardly!! who cares ! you have the rest of your life to be grown up. So be stupid!

LOVE. That does not mean go sticking your tongue down every next persons throat. Im not advertising that here, and neither am i telling you to love like the movies around garden and trees. Find out what love means for you and keep at it!

When it comes down to love, Its always worth it. Whatever form. Whatever way you express it. No ones in a position to judge.

I wish I'd let the smaller things matter more to me, than letting the noise that surrounded it matter more. The noise never matters. Moments do. Small little gestures are things I remember now. I wish I'd have a cupboard full of those small things now, that make life a lot more happier and memories a lot more sweeter.

FORGIVE. I wish i had forgiven people easily. Its the worst to hold onto something against a person forever. I wish I had learned that forgiving made you and the other person happier. I have wasted a lot of my life, holding grudges against people. I should have forgiven them, because I look back, and I wasnt perfect either. No one is. To you guys out there, Just forgive. U'll grow up and years later you'd miss your friend, your partner,your family and not forgiving them would be the worst thing that would sadden you. 

No one knows how to live life. I guess we are all just winging it as we go along. 

I believe that Do-overs do come along, and thats when you trust your instinct and change decisions you made in the past. There is always hope for a little more love and a lot more mistakes :)

Of "girgilla" and 'fingers crossed"

The last few posts have been a little intense and to lighten the mood I thought of writing to you about the innocence that once was. Have you seen how the kids in Junior Masterchef Australia, cross their fingers and hope and pray with every dub-dub of the beating heart that they win. It reminded me of a me that once was.

Do you remember how we used to cross our fingers, toes and pigtails even, just in the pure belief that that, would be what gets us what we want. No reasoning mattered then. We knew in our hearts, the harder you could cross your fingers and the more number of things you crossed the more your chance of getting what you wanted. I miss that faith I had in my tiny little fingers, that would with such ease overlap one another and not give way.

Remember the times girgilla was the worst that could ever happen to you? Id be mortified when the never ending game of 'tag him girgilla' would reach me. Remember how our faces would turn the darkest shade of red, and that solely would be our most embarrassing moment ever.
Remember how coloring within the lines was the hardest problem we were faced with, and how we would sit for hours and try and stay within the lines just so we could get that "star sticker" or "perfect sticker" from the teacher? And the times we did manage to get that sticker, do you remember the pride with which our chest would blow up, and the smile that lit up our entire tiny face.

Remember how cursive writing seemed like such an impossible task and how we used to concentrate on just keeping those alphabets on that straight line, for fear that it would dance about on that page and wouldn't be accepted? Remember how our mathematics books had criss-cross lines on the entire page, just to make sure we could write numbers clearly and not get them all jumbled up in one single mess.
Remember how we needed all our fingers, just so we could be able to calculate the math problem. How we never thought there would be something more difficult than that, that would meet us as 'mental mathematics'.

Remember how we din't like boys, and boys din't like us girls? How drawing a line in the center of the bench seemed to solve all the problems in the world, and how we would sit content at having been able to divide the table into exactly half. The trust with which we used to sit, in all our satisfaction that this line wouldn't let the boy cross over to our side. Remember when being sat next to the opposite sex was the second worst thing that could happen to you, and life seemed unfair. Little did we know how much that would change over time.

I remember there was this bench-partner of mine in the sixth grade, and he used to put little i love you chits in my pencil box. Every time I found this chit in my box, I would be mortified and shattered. After a while it got to me, and I took my revenge for all the 'I love yous' by smacking him with the largest textbook I had. How I wish, to find now, those little I love you notes in my pencil box.

If I could, I would have saved all my stickers to keep me grounded and know that the little things in life mattered the most. I wish girgilla was still the worse that could ever happen to people.
I would love to have the faith I did then, in knowing that crossing my fingers, would solve every one of my problems and get me what I want. I miss the times, when boys were "the enemy" and coloring within the lines my sole purpose of living. If I knew then as I do now, how difficult it is for people to give and take love, I would have saved those chits for the future me to cherish deeply.

Wear your past on your sleeve !

"I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man."-Zhuangzi

A really dear friend of mine put forth, to me, a question in all its simplicity, "When people write so much about all the things going on in the world, the surroundings they are so conscious about, why then doesn't anyone write about ones subconscious mind?"

I have pondered over it, mulled over it, and arrived at the conclusion that in order for a person to portray the subconscious mind, he should be comfortable in being with himself and absorb every thought that he feels. Not many would like to do that though, probably for the fear of not liking what they would be faced with. 

Its scary really, even for me. The thought of sitting in solace with oneself. We all run away from what makes us feel, what stirs up emotion in us, such emotion that seems alien to us, so we avoid it altogether for fear of the unknown. I've tried to sit and just be. Absorb whatever my mind wants me to. Its tough really, because for a few seconds I can feel myself channelling my thoughts, letting myself be drifted back into times forgotten. But sooner than later, it happens almost reflexively, and I'm back into the present. 

I wonder sometimes, that why do we run away from solitude? Isn't revisiting memories something that should make us happy, be it good or bad memories. Why then do I retreat from being taken into the past? Why do people say its in the past let it be, theres nothing ever good that can come from being in the past. My answer to them is,

Its your past. You have already been there once before and well guess what, you survived, so what are you so scared of to revisit it again?  

Honestly knowing where you come from, and discovering yourself is the best gift you can gift to you, from you. Everyone is too scared to dust off the surface, its not just you and me. But once in a while, take the road less taken, take time off to introspect. You may surprise yourself with what you find, for all you know you are a butterfly dreaming he's a man, and wouldn't that be splendid? Because thats the power of your subconscious mind, it will baffle you in more ways than one. Its a safe place, not a place where you have to put up your best front. It will let yourself be you. 

Revisit it, and keep revisiting it, till the time when your thoughts and experience is simply in its existence, a beautiful page in the story that you are the author to.

Would you like to read a book that has a few pages missing? Look back at your past with fondness, its the pages that make all the difference to your beautiful story.

Carry it on you sleeve, much like your beating heart because those few pages that you would otherwise bury away, make all the difference to the plot.

Before emerging from chalkboard-black-tunnels.

When I look back I feel a magnitude of fondness. For all the people who have got onto this box-like train of mine, at different stops, at different signals, and have made me emerge resplendently magnificent, through even chalkboard-black-tunnels. I miss those who got down at different stations, for reasons unknown, who packed their bags and waved goodbye, with a doleful look in their eyes. In all these years, I've been taught to look at things from other's perspectives, and even though I thought myself as a nonjudgemental being, I learned that when it came to situations new to me, I din't do anything but judge. When faced with these new situations myself, did I learn that I reacted not differently than those who I had misjudged. I have warmth for all the people who stayed in that compartment and never got down no matter what station came by. I have warmth for those who got down at a station, to empty their minds, only to get back on at the next station and fill those empty compartments with joy and happiness again.


Before emerging from the chalkboard-black-tunnels, I unwrapped beautifully packaged relations, to discover that I can love more people than one. And that every relation need not be agreed upon, as a socially acceptable one. And that, that is okay. I have felt tremendous love and affection for the tiny beings, who well are quite larger in size than me in reality, who have walked into my life, and breathed fresh air and perspective.


In retrospect, I would never take back any decision I have taken. I would always love people in my life in a gooey-mushy-hot-chocolate-fudge-way. I would always cherish every person who has boarded this train and made it fly with such exuberance that it never stopped, and would swish through that chalkboard-black-tunnel with ease and lightheartedness, looking back at a journey well lived, and another to yet begin.




I love you'll in a gooey-mushy-hot-chocolate-fudge-way. Yes you :)

Happiness. Its simple really. This is my happiness. :)

Have you ever had a feeling so intense, feeling-good-goosebumps type, that even though its just in your mind, it feels real?


Who said that you can't literally feel whats going on in your mind?
I can. I have.
Everytime I go onto pinterest(my latest obsession) I feel a sense of happiness.


A sense of longing to someplace, a sense of spreading my wings and flying away into one of the oh-so-serene images and starting my life there.
Of setting up a house, and doing it up with white walls,
Of wooden floors,
Of not just a handful but a heart-full of cushions and pillows of all sizes, small and big, yellow and pink, of earthy tones to blue blues.
Of small little antique kettles gurgling with water,

Of me in my specs and hair all tasseled down upon my shoulders,
Floating around with a mug of coffee,
Of staring out into the vast emptiness that
envelopes me in a sense of wanting to be part of the birds and bees,

Of all the oceans and seas, splashing against the shores and reminding us that they are alive and living life with such joy that its breathtakingly inspirational.


This feeling fills up my heart with such warmth,
that i get all gummy-bear-soft inside,
And all i want to do is breathe this feeling into someone else,
So that we could blanket our minds in perfect symphony and know that neither of us is on our own. We have each other.


I've felt happiness. People go around looking for it. Im lucky, i feel it every time i plug in my earphones with 'your hand in mine-explosions in the sky', and pinterest the things i love.
I feel elated and feather light.
I think that is what you call happiness.
:)

My wish list !

I don't know where I am headed. All I do know is life after college is about choices, and given the chance of doing so, this is what I wish for :

A beautiful old house : I wish for a million trees surrounding this tiny stoned cottage that has a cobbled pathway. A place where I am at peace with me. I wish for a house filled with things I have collected over the years, memories in boxes strewn around, pictures of years framed up, white walls, with colored corners, where I can sit by my window sill and read, cuddled up in blankets and a million little pillows, and big pillows, and bigger ones. Coffee to keep me warm on cold winter nights and rainy afternoons.

Lots of books and wine : I wish for the time and passion to read a million books, from all over the world. About paris, about cheese and about the road taken by others. I wish for wine to go with it. Because doesn't a picture of books and wine please your mind? It does to mine. oh and that rhymed :)

Friends : I want all my existing friends with me for years to come. I want to have company always. I want people around me who would come with me for random trips to backpack around the world. I want people over, laughing and sitting around playing board games with me and getting high on spirits and good food. I want yesha,kanu,nitika and barsha, my life lines, to be there for years to come. And i want them to visit me and bring back fond memories of old confessions.


A passion : I want a passion that brings me money. I don't want a job. I want to be somewhere in the background of life, pushing people to do good, to design, to celebrate art and music. I want people to realize the beauty of how music, art and design bring such joy in the world. That money isn't everything, and life isn't supposed to be such a mundane journey.

Family : I want family around me, so that I can take my baby brother to places he hasn't seen. I can cover up his mistakes when he needs me. I want to be there for my parents and my oh so awesome-crazy-maybe even a bit retarded extended family :) actually strike that, they are completely retarded and i love them for exactly that reason.

Be loved by someone adorable : I want that guy who isn't my knight in shinning armor, more like artist-in-a-vinatge car with an air of passion around him. I want someone who has the same zest for life, and who pushes me to follow my heart without being afraid. Oh and cooks amazingly. Just had to add that, since it's my wish list anyway, no harm reaching for the shooting stars.

Travel the world : every bit of it. I wish to keep traveling with people who teach me how to live life, in many a different way. Who accompany me on my journeys of adventure, fun and stupidity!

To make a difference : thats the most important thing. And i've saved it for the last. I wish for a group of people who share my passion for making a difference in people's lives through music and art. Who aren't worried about the tomorrow and just want to make a happy today.








There you go, I have put it out there to materialize and the day any one of them does, ill keep you posted. Don't worry it won't be long for the wish list to magically transform itself into a beautiful dreamy reality.

WHAT IF :


What if :

I think I am 21. Which well I actually am. But what if my parents have been lying to me about my birth date? What if I find out I am 30, and have been living life like a 21 year old.
What would I do? Would I continue living like I am 21? Or would the fact that I am higher on the numerical scale on paper change how I behave and live? Would my body behave differently knowing that I am actually older?

What if :

A guest comes to my house for a dinner party, locks himself in the spare guest room, and never comes out. What would I do? What would you do, if breaking down the door never was an option ? Would you forget that room ever could open? Would you pretend like no one was in there? Would you choose to wake up everyday to reason with a person to come out ? Or would you accept it, and keep giving him food through the gap at the bottom of the door?

What if :

we could all read each others life. Through their eyes. Since they any way say, that eyes are the windows to a persons soul. Would you be happy knowing everything about so many people? Would we be more comfortable in knowing that the other person is going through the same thing? Then no one would really have secrets, gossip would be a thing of the past, and introverts wouldn't exist. Would it make you take wiser decisions then? Since everyone would be able to read your story.

What if :

newspapers could only carry happy news? No articles about conflict, abuse or war? Would the world be a happier place since all every person would read every morning are positive things? Would there be no conflict in the world? Or would we actually just pretend that there is nothing bad happening around? Or would the pretending actually eventually become reality?

What if :

the idea was 'make as many mistakes as possible' ? Since we are alive to learn and grow everyday. No harm in making mistakes now and then. Would you be willing to make a mistake then, knowingly, if it was okay?

What if :

The world was run by love not money? Would you still work the job you are working, just because you love it? Would working not interest you then? Or would you switch to a job that makes you happier since you anyway do not have to earn?

What if :

My posts could have their own background music? Only then, and then only, would you be able to feel what I felt when I wrote this post.

# mind it ! :p

If you know me, just about even a little bit, you'd know that I think wayyyyy too much, and cause myself grey hair and wrinkles.

My mind tends to have a mind of its own. 

I mean I may see a straight line, but I will sit wondering :

what if that straight line had an accident and became a curved line instead, 

what if the straight line breaks in two and then is not happy with the length it is.

what if the two pieces aren't the same length then would one be jealous of the other? or would the smaller piece feel bad and go into depression? 

would the straight line manage to find another perfectly straight line or would all other straight lines be just a little bit curved for him?

So you see how my mind tends to take on a tangent of its own. Its like it does just how it pleases. I go 'so mind i have been thinking lets not sit around all day and do nothing' and my mind responds something to this effect " sonali, bro have you thought about how short you are? ever? i mean like have you seen how that girl was so tall and thin! oh-my-god".

how my mind can be so dramatic sometimes :/

And then people blame me for over thinking. Its all this mind's fault really, if you look at it from my point of view. This, this particular angle that i look at it from, you'll see then how I get cornered into thinking such thought.

You now get it don't you? Its like my mind just defy's anything i say :/ its one unruly thing who should be spanked and asked to go sit in a corner till he can actually process what i am trying to tell him.

As Mark Twain said: “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

# This is so my life story.

How embarrassing I can be !! :D

 #1) hahahahaha

#2) i sit for hours and edit my profile pictures. :/ just when i thought oh wow i create such awesome prints using photoshop maybe just maybe ill be able to earn a living. But alas, i just sit and use it to edit my own pictures.
You do it too, i know. so don't look at me like that :p

#3) I have become this stupid person where all i do is assume that every possible illness in the book is happening to me :/ i read about an illness and magically i have all its symptoms! its freaky!

#4) I tried learning french online. I actually used to sit and practice speaking it out loud to my computer screen. with words like bonjour and au revoir which i pronounce like ov uvar! hahaha but it sounds cute nonetheless.
try saying it that way. It sounds like some telugu tamil word, the way i pronounce it, the french will faint!

#5) I watch a million food channels, from Come dine with me to masterchef australia! That does not make me learn how to cook, however much my family would like me to, It just makes me hungrier seeing all the yummy foood!

#6) In my head, I think i'm damn fly yo, risky-skinny-dipping-cool types. But i think in reality i'm just old, and lazy and lazy. Okay maybe not old, just lazy.Lazy.LAZY!

#7) I go to my fridge oh-so-many-times in the day and i come bak with nothing.Absolutely nothing. My maids think i am retarded, all i do when i have a holiday is go to the kitchen, open the door to the fridge, have a look inside, shut it, and get back to my room. Its like i assume, the more number of times i look into my fridge, the probability of a large chocolate rum cake appearing there is stronger. :/

#8) I take my cell phone to the loo with me. :/

#9) I phase out when people are talking to me. Its very embarrassing when that happens. I do not do it intentionally, it just happens. So guys out there, if ever you are confessing your love for me, to me, just make sure i am listening to it all ! I tend to faze out and get self absorbed.

#10) I have used spell check for so many spellings in this post. I should just bury my head in sand :/

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In change lies everything..

Change.

I have been sitting on my bed for the past half hour, writing sentences and erasing all of them, washing them off and creating a blank space to pen down my thoughts on.

I have been trying to write about Change. And funny enough, this half hour, even though I have sat in exactly the same position, a number of things have changed around me.

The music tracks keep changing, they don't stop and wait for me to gather my thoughts, the sounds from my house keep getting quieter, the lights outside my window one by one say goodnight.

I wish someone would have told me, the more you fight change, the more it will get to you. Well, not like Change has a personal interest in your life. But thats just how life works. Its this law of the universe, that things have to change, relations will change, there is absolutely no point crying over someone who is not the same anymore, and how someone does not let you borrow their stationery anymore.

The first ever letter I wrote to my baby brother, was about change and how if relations change it isn't anyones fault. Its all a part of growing up. This is a small part of what I had written to him and I am going to share the same with you guys :

"It is in all of us

to defy expectations

to go into the world and be brave

and to want, to need, to hunger for

adventure.

to embrace change and chance and risk 

so that we may breathe

and know what it is to be 

free."-anonymous

Things will be tough, more than u thought it would be,

But the key to it is, accept change :)

Accept change.

Accept change.

Im repeating it, because the biggest difficulty any individual in life faces, is to accept that things change.

People change, relationships change, and just like the weather you and i change too.

And thats the beauty of life, that everything and nothing is the same."

Things that Change has taught me :

# Don't be so stern in life. give Life a chance and cut it some slack at times.It isn't always going to change to please you. 

# You will grow. Change. You will get older and maybe fatter. But relax a bit! You will change again, probably become thinner and more fabulous.

# Have patience. If things have changed for the worse right now, wait. Stand in the sidelines, because it will change back to sunshine again.

# Don't wait to lick the ice-cream, it will change into liquid form! just eat it as soon as you get your hands on it

# Cherish the people you have right now. However far away they may be from you, cherish them.

Life goes on, it changes, evolves,

and just like the weather you and i change too. :)

                                                                 Source : everythingsright.com

I dont think this is my best post, but I have written this because We more often than not, forget this simple feeling of change, and get caught up in situations, where if told "relax, you will get over it, times will change" brings a smile on people's faces, and a hope that usually sits shut until woken.

If you have any stories, that changed you, feel free to comment and share :)

Sexual orientation !

So I have been trying to gather my thoughts and come up with something concrete to write about, which in fact in reality is me trying to procrastinate and be lazy-sit-around-watch tv-make excuses for not moving my butt and actually posting something, anything at all!

There was this Roadies audition i watched today, about a guy who's gay and how he is ashamed to embrace the fact that his sexual orientation isn't towards girls, but towards guys instead. I am not going to sit here and go on and on about the rights of gay people, but I am all for gay rights ! Just putting it out in the universe.
The guy in question was brought up, well like all Indian kids are brought up, to believe that you have to be born, go to school, study really hard, get into college, get a job, and get married to a well-brought-up-having-good-indian-values-and-traditions girl. And god forbid you do not follow the steps to eternal bliss and happiness as prescribed above(rolling my eyes, such that my eyeballs might just disappear) you are to feel the following :
Guilty.
Unhappy.
Made to believe you are an alien from another planet.
Just pure evil !
Oh and he did feel all of that, not to forget also felt that he was the bad bad bad person in question.

News Flash : for all you auntyji's reading this post and going, oh well now that she has voiced all this out
A) She's probably gay.
B) hai hai !! kaha se milega isko ek acha patti abh? thankgod meri beti aisi nahi sochti hai!
Stop reading it right now. mein apna patti dhoond loongi auntyji, aap chinta mat kariye, patti nahi mila toh apne liye patni toh dhoond hi loongi ! ki farak paenda hai! :p

Translation for all you shameless non-hindi speaking Indians :
(hai! hai! from where will this girl find a suitable husband now that shes voiced all her opinions!
Dont you worry auntiji i will manage to find some guy to marry me, and if not im sure ill be able to find a girl! whats the difference :p haha its not as much fun in english, as it is to say the same in hindi !!!)

baahahahaha im sure this will scandalize them if nothing else.

So getting back to what a person is made to feel, just because he does not fit into the social norms, is something that I am strongly against! I think people who are gay should stop stressing over what the society is going to think, if you arent gay, trust me they still will sit asking you to fit into social norms involving other matters ! trust me, I know!
You parents, who have kids who are gay should be happy that they have a son or daughter who is not afraid to make choices for himself/herself. You have kids, who don't become less children just because their sexual orientation is different from what is expected. I mean really how does their sexual orientation affect a parent is beyond me !How does them being attracted to the same sex affect their being able to be a normal kid to their parents? I still do not get this logic :/

For all those people out there who are gay, confused or even straight for that matter ! i think you guys should be proud of your sexual orientation and if it makes you happy then why not! i don't think you should ever feel guilty about something that makes you happy! ever.
And trust me you do not become a lesser person on the basis of your orientation!!  ( i skipped out the sexual part because i realized i have said sexual-orientation wayyyyyy too many times in this post, my mother reads this she'll flip but I guess she flips at most of the things I say but loves me anyway, hi ma!hope you like what i wrote :P )

I am all for gay rights, and i hope somewhere you guys too understand the logic behind every person making decisions for themselves. It would be a happier place,this world. A happier tomorrow if every individual could make their own rules and values and not succumb to set decided notions of society !

:)

ps: i just had to name the title that ! Out of curiosity to see how many people would just open the link because it had the above words in the title! Yes you, im referring to you . I know why you opened this link, wait till i tell your mom about what you view on the internet , bahahaha.